Happy Christmas!!

Merry Christmas, I say. Merry Christmas she says. We kissed each other. Holding each other so tightly, never wanting to be apart. We could faintly hear the giggles of the people passing by but we were so engrossed in each other that we didn’t care.

From a long time, I was planning this surprise. On the eve of Christmas, I was there in front of her home in London. I rang the bell. In half sleep, still rubbing her eyes My Girl opened the door. Our eyes meet, our lips broadened and extending our arms we hugged. Even in this cold weather, I was feeling warm. She was happy and surprised at the same time. Her expression was priceless. Her smile was awesome.

She had so many questions. How? When? Why?

All I could mutter was “I Love You” ❤

She hugged me and we kissed.

I couldn’t get enough of her. I was tired and exhausted after travelling 24 hours but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to sleep. I wanted the ache. I wanted her, all the time. Her weight on top of me. I wanted to squeeze further and further in her. I wanted to watch her face. I wanted her sweat to drop onto me. I wanted to drop mine on her. I got on top of her. I’d never done it before. I couldn’t really believe it, I was doing this. I was inventing something. I held her and put it inside her. I felt deep in her. I’ll never forget it. I was in charge and she liked it. I held her hands down. She pretended she was trying to break free. She let her tits touch my face. She went mad as I bucked. I pushed down. I couldn’t believe it. One of her fingers flicked over my bum. I did it to her. She lifted and heaved. I couldn’t believe it. There was no end to it, no end to the new things. She did something. I copied her. I did something. She did it back. I took her from behind. She pushed back, forced more of her into me. I sucked her. She licked me. She made me come on her stomach. I sucked her toes. The whole room rocked.

Now, here we were in the mall of London. Two souls deeply in love with each other that we don’t care about anyone and just kissing and fondling each other.

I Love You, My Girl. I Love You for the way you smile. I love you for the way you make me feel happy. I Love You because no one can complete me the way you do.

Happy Christmas My Girl. Stay Happy. Stay Smiling 🙂

Gaurav Gupta

Diary Entry 12.12.2016

Dear My Girl

I am sorry, last night I was a bit drunk. I was not able to control myself. I shouldn’t have messaged. I think, I deserved the scolding after that.

I am sorry for hurting you and disappointing you. I didn’t know that I had hurt your parents also. I am sorry for that. You are right, you are raised by a king otherwise, it’s impossible for someone to be so awesome like you.

I would never do anything knowingly to hurt you or to make you sad. If me talking to you or pinging to you make you sad and angry then I promise I will never try to contact you. 😦

Don’t worry My Girl, everything will happen as you want. You want me out of your life then I will kick me out of your life. Just be patient for a while. To continue my punishment I have almost convinced myself that I am not good enough you or for anyone else. Don’t worry the punishment for hurting you will continue for the rest of my life.

Till the time we were together, maybe that was the only love, respect, compassion was meant to be for me in this life. I had my amazing lovely moments with you and love for me is now over. Maybe in some other lifetime, we will be together. I will try and be better for you that time. I just want you to be happy where ever you are.

I am sorry again for hurting you and your loved ones and believe me I will never stop punishing the person who made you cry.

One more day spent lonely, One more week passed in your memories. One more month reliving those happy moments. One more year without you and One more life without Us.

I miss you. I miss Us.

Thank you dear diary for role playing My Girl and listening to me when no one was around. 🙂

 

Gaurav Gupta

Good Morning!

It is another beautiful day in Pangalore. Another beautiful morning. At a distant horizon, the sun is till waking the lazy souls up. There is cold in the air. Not shivering cold but enough to not let go of the blankets.

I somehow pulled myself out from the bed, still half asleep. My phone beeped so did my heart. I knew the message was from my dream girl, who stole my heart and never returned it. Yes, My Girl messaged me Good Morning!. The perfect start of a perfect winter morning.

The phone beeped again, but I was not able to pick it up and reply as I was busy navigating through the morning mad traffic rush through the Pangalore roads.

Though my ears were not in my control, they somehow wanted to hear the voice of My Girl. I still have to drive to work with that constant urge to talk to her. It was a mini battle between heart and mind. Mind saying to continue driving and my mad heart constantly requesting to chat to her. Between all this struggle magic happens. My Girl called. I picked it and my heart took a sigh of relief. I don’t exactly remember what were her first words as I was busy soaking all her voice and replenishing the quenching thirst that I have.

Her voice was a bit bleak as she was still sleepy. Yes, it’s 11.30 AM in Pangalore but in London, it is still 6 AM in the morning.

My Girl: “I miss you a lot.”

Me: “I love you ❤ a lot.”

MG: “I have got my return date.”

Those words were like magic to my ears. I was already daydreaming her in my arms. She continued further.

MG: “The date is two months ahead.”

Though I was happy that she is finally returning but two months is a long time frame. 60 days, 1440 hours how will I spent them without her. Yes, my maths has improved a lot especially the table of 24 as every hour and every second spent without her feels like nearly a century to me.

MG: “You know what happened yesterday. My boss Lucio Pane was flirting with me.”

I felt jealous, possessive, outrageous and felt like hitting that Lucio out of London with a single kick. She continued telling further.

MG: “He was praising me for my work and ethics and dedication and complimented me for my looks.”

Me: “Oh! that’ nice. You are awesome and gorgeous and amazing and beautiful and I am lucky to be your husband.”

MG: “I love you. I love you. I love you ❤ .”

Those three words three times were music to my ears. All the jealousy, outrage just melted away in the symphony of her voice and for a moment I was lost in her thoughts. Thankfully I was at a red light and I got just enough time to savour that moment and lock it in my memories.

MG: “Good Morning husband! Now I have to say goodbye as I have to get ready for office.”

After a moment of silence, I broke it by saying “Good Bye, Love You”.

She sensed that I didn’t want to cut the call. So, she just kissed me over the phone. I wanted to kiss her in real. Feel the warmth of her lips touching mine. Bite her lips naughtily. Have our tounges fighting vigorously inside our mouths.

But with this long distance relationship, I convinced my heart with just a kiss over the phone. I said goodbye to her.

That little conversation and gesture of love in the end of it made sure I had a smile on my face throughout the day. The morning is indeed beautiful.

 

Gaurav Gupta

 

 

For the very first time

For the very first time I rise up, my hands were shaking. Just sitting outside that room and hoping for the safety of My Girl.

For the very first time, she handed my little girl to me (I always wanted to have a daughter).

For the very first time, I was holding something so small, so tiny, so little.

For the very first time, I was hearing such a delicate heartbeat.

For the very first time, I realised the importance of life. The importance of breath.

For the very first time, I realised the meaning of true love.

For the very first time, I promised myself that I will try to do everything right for my little baby girl. I will always be there to catch her when she falls. And I will never allow anything bad to happen to her. Not a broken arm, not a bad nightmare and not even a broken heart.

For the very first time, I and My Girl become parents.

 

 

 

Gaurav Gupta

Diary Entry 19.11.2016

Dear My Girl

I was missing you so badly last night. I know, I have decided that I will not try and contact you but last night was something different. The urge just came over me. I was not able to control. And in that moment of weakness, I send you a message.

I am sorry for being weak. I should not talk to you, not because I have decided that I will not talk to you. But because you have every right to move on in life. You have every right to find a better guy than me. You have every right to find happiness whichever way you seem right.

And my feelings, love, stupidity should not be a blocker for you. It was me who decided to part ways with you. So it should be your decision if you wanted us back together. If I am waiting for you then I should learn to do it silently and not ping and disturb you every time my resolve get weak. Everything can’t happen as per my will.

I also should not talk to you because every time you say that you have found someone new, some new guy who is good enough for you, I feel happy for you but at the same time, it shreds my heart into pieces. I can’t imagine you with anyone else other than me.

So sorry for last night, sorry for being weak. 😦

Stay happy and stay blessed. 🙂

Thank you dear diary for standing up for My Girl once again and listening to me patiently.

 

Gaurav Gupta

I am in Depression

I may not realize it, But I am suffering from depression.

Every time someone asks me “How are you?” my response is same “I am fine”, “I am cool”. In reality, there are thousand emotional cyclone whirlwinds that are going inside me.

I wear a mask. A happy mask to show the world that I am a stud. I am a rockstar, that I am a superman. Even my close friends are fooled by that mask. But in reality, I am just me who is drowning without even realizing that soon I will be dead. I will be dead not physically. I will be dead emotionally.

Look at the irony of the situation. I used to be indifferent. Not bothered about anything, living the perfect black and white life. Someday, somebody entered in my life with a tinge of gray and taught me care, compassion, emotion. And now I am living in those memories.

I have a fantasy world where everything happens according to my wish and whims. Everything is perfect in my fantasy world. In the real world, everything is falling apart. The people I care, the people I want in my life are going far away. So far away that even my shadow can’t reach them. I try to assemble some broken pieces of my life, the others just crumble even faster.

I have learned to lie to myself also. So, when I ask myself how am I? The response comes from within. “Everything is fine”. “I am cool”.

I am in depression. I love being in the depression. I love to live in memories until the time my fantasy and my reality are not in sync. I hope that happens before I am emotionally empty.

 

Gaurav Gupta