Diary Entry 24.03.2016

Everybody has a life. They have their own sorrows, their own joys. They have their own problems and their own ways of dealing with them.

How can I expect others to solve my problems? They will be busy with their own. So right now, I am jotting down my thought. Not in any organized manner.

I will remember this festive day of Holi (Hindu festival of Colours), as the most non-colourful day of my life. The day when I may have potentially lost My Girl. I don’t know whose fault is this, but I am suffering. And I am suffering badly. One moment I decide that I will remain happy no matter what. And the very next moment that resolve is broken with the huge influx of emotions. Again I go into that stage, where I am unsure, undecided.

Sometimes my mind just hates my heart for all that emotions my heart carry. These emotions are way too much for me to handle. I don’t know if I am emotionally weak or my emotions are too strong for me. Either way I am fucked.

Everybody has someone special in life, that one person for whom you can do anything. But how do I control my emotions, now when I know that I possibly have lost that person. I am so vulnerable right now. The only thing that is keeping me alive is that hope. That hope, that someday I will again be with My Girl. There is someday in future when she will again love me the way she used to. But what do I do till then? This emotional turmoil is taking its toll on me. I think I am loosing this battle.

But again, these are my problems and I should know how to deal with them. Just one mistake can turn the course of your life. We should treasure what we have and never take anything for granted. Because when that someone special is no more in your life than it leaves a big black hole in your life and every other good thing is sucked up by that black hole.

Bye Diary


Gaurav Gupta



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