Monster – That I am

Slowly, piece by piece, you gave yourself to me. And I — a monster, dressed with smile — accepted you.

You carried your flaws with grace around me, after all, you believed I outshined them. You felt safe around me. Holding my hand, resting your head on my shoulder, it gave you the comfort you always dreamed of. You let me turn your cold heart warm. And you let me explore those dreamy lips, too, whilst you smiled and breathed heavily. And between all the choices you had, you decided to choose me, after all, I made you not think about any other choice.
What you and I shared, the long talks, the never-ending kisses, exploring our ‘wanderland’, were simple, adorable things. But along the way, somewhere, they meant a world to both of us, and they will be one of the moments that rewind in front of my eyes before I rest in peace.

And I was lucky, you know? To have a forever. To make all those experiences with you.
And I loved you, truly. I did. Maybe, I still do, deep down, but you don’t be bothered, because I am cold, like you. And, I don’t trust love anymore. How can I? It is something that is there one second, alive and spreading happiness and the other… it just fades away. Absent. Gone. Taking away all those happy moments. Happiness.

Being in love with you is to know that I have to cherish our memories, every moment. And knowing, what I’ll with you, it is something I can’t have with anyone.

Maybe you were just a piece of this jigsaw puzzle, I couldn’t understand. Or you were just the puzzle I could never complete, or lost its pieces. And honestly, I am thankful to be a part of your world. Even if I can’t be a part of it anymore, I will just look at you from a distance.

Remember the letters? Somewhere, I filled it with longer, lasting posts, and hoped one day, I would pass it on to our kids. Well, that is a hope not coming true. A tale for another time.

I know you don’t believe me, but still I love to write to you, about you and hoping I struck a chord, in the end, is the best part, you know? But most importantly, I just stand by the door to my heart, waiting for you to knock one more time, so I can peep out, and let your face sink in, once again.

The Monster – That I am. I ruined everything.


Gaurav Gupta


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