Yes, you have read it right. Rain Driving. It’s raining in Delhi.
Yes, you have read it right. Rain Driving. It’s raining in Delhi.
It’s really hard to let somebody go. The person you crave for, the person you need so badly, the person that makes you complete, the person who understands you.
I am not ready to let that somebody go. Also, I now have accepted that somebody doesn’t want me anymore. Yes, that somebody is My Girl. So I have convinced myself of two things, first that My Girl is no more mine in the real world and second that there is nothing as such love. Love is just a tool that people use to make a fool out of others.
So I am creating a Wonder Land for myself situated in Panglore. Where I can be with My Girl in my fantasy. I am hoping this will satisfy my craving for her. The need to see her will be subdued and My Girl can complete me in my Wonder Land.
So on a fine Saturday afternoon, I and My Girl are on a long drive. Wanting to just escape the hustle of city life and be alone with each other. My Girl looks at me with a cute smile, as always just pulled my hair and then rested her head on my shoulder. The most awesome feeling ever to be with the person whom you care about the most.
My Girl : “I am hungry. Let’s stop somewhere and eat something”
I was also very hungry, I nodded in acceptance. Finding a good motel, I parked the car. It was her turn to decide what we will eat. Yes, we decide what we both eat on a rotational basis every time we go out. She looked at with that expression. It’s that expression when she is feeling lazy. It was my cue, that I have to order dinner today. Luckily I knew the speciality of the place. I ordered and we waited. She was holding my hand and with her index finger was making circles on my hand. I leaned ahead and kissed on her forehead.
The food was amazing as it was selected by me. It could have been awesome had it been selected by My Girl. We paid the bill. While going out I winked at her. She knew I was craving for something sweet. She kissed me at grabbed my hand. We went to the Ice cream parlour. She ordered blueberry muffins and I ordered butterscotch.
We were just looking at each other for the whole time. We didn’t realize our ice creams were melting at the rate of knots as it was hot outside. We finished eating the ice creams and hoped into the car. She was right there smiling at me. It made me feel good. We went back to home and like inseparable we are, we slept in each other’s arms.
Another beautiful day ends in Wonder Land.
Yes, as the title suggest. Love is a sham concept. Hollow, untrue and a complete hoax. There is nothing as true love. All of us are mean, selfish and self-centered. We love a person until we have some purpose. Purpose solved or lost then love disappears.
I know My Girl doesn’t read my blogs. Actually, no one reads my blogs. But yes some years down the line, I would like My Girl to read these blogs and know that I won’t be able to forgive myself for hurting her. But she has also hurt my feelings equally. Has broken me to last possible piece. Has destroyed all my beliefs.
I thought love is the most beautiful feeling, the purest emotion. But for me, it has now become the most painful thing. It has made me cried all night, has pained me to an extent that now I even don’t recognise myself. I hate people who say they are in love. I hate happy couples roaming around. I hate happy families. I hate happiness.
There is something I want to say to My Girl.
I know I made a mistake, but I never cheated you. You were, you are and you will always remain My Girl. I hope you get all the happiness in life. But, I will never be able to forgive you for the way you treated me. I used to get drunk, only so that I can tell you my feelings. Tell you how much you mean to me. You have stripped me of my happiness, my dignity, my self-respect. I have begged you to come back to me. Your ego has ruined me.
I used to be a perfect little boy. Not very emotional and carefree. You changed me into a monster. You filled me with hatred. Your reality has poked a hole in the bubble of my happiness.
I will come and meet you on 24th. That will be our last meeting. I will come not to beg you or say anything. I will come only to see you and hear your voice one last time.
I don’t know if I care for you or hate you. But thanks to you no one will ever see my good side again. I will truly become a monster that you perceive me to be. I will destroy all good things that have ever happened to me. I will punish myself for trusting you forever.
I am very happy from last few days. It can be due to the fact that I am consuming half a bottle of wine every day and I am feeling on cloud nine. And it could also because of the fact that in a week’s time I will be travelling back to home.
Finally, the long wait will end and I will be able to see My Girl. I will be seeing her nearly after 256 days. I am hoping that she will be working that day and I will just go and surprise her. The wait ends here. Also, I will be going home back to family and friends. Really excited 🙂
This is it. I am so happy 🙂
The feeling to talk to My Girl is so strong today. My Diary can you be my My Girl for today, as I am not feeling like talking to a photograph.
What a girl look into a guy, for choosing the correct life partner? Or why a girl love a boy? The simplest answer I can think is ” A girl will love a boy when she sees that boy has something that she doesn’t have. When she feels that guy will never leave her side. When she feels that the guy can love her for who she is.”
I think My Girl is perfect, and can do nothing wrong. So if she thinks that I am not the right guy, then there is something wrong with me only. I guess I am too simple and boring kind of a guy. And My Girl doesn’t want it. All this time I have tried to lessen the pain of our separation by drinking, smoking and doing nothing. My Girl also hates those who do nothing.
I miss those days when we used to talk for hours, in our own twisted ways. I miss her touch. I miss her pulling my hairs. I miss drowning in the sea of perfect round eyes. Oh! My Girl, you are so beautiful.
But I think I have found another way to lessen the pain. I have started convincing myself that I can’t be a good life partner to anyone. This way I have somewhat suppressed the need of emotional connect with other people. I have become socially awkward. Now, I don’t make new friends and don’t meet new people. I know this is emotionally damaging but I guess this is the only way I can try to forgive myself. I can only forgive myself when I punish myself. Social disconnect would be a perfect punishment for me.
I used to think that writing my feelings will reduce my pain, but nothing like that has happened. Now even there are no tears even I cry.
But I would love to meet My Girl. Meet her and ask “How is she?”, Is she happy?
I know she would be happy, she has a very sweet and caring sister. She has a handsome and loving brother. Her parents are the most wonderful parents. She has most amazing friends. Where do I fit her in life? Nowhere I guess.
But whatever I say or do. My heart doesn’t listen. This stupid heart still believes that everything would be fine one day. And My Girl and I would live happily ever after.
Don’t know, as of now, the punishment continues.
Thank you dear diary for standing in for My Girl today and listening to my crap.
I recently met this word. “Inner Peace”. What is this Inner Peace? Where do we find Inner Peace? Interestingly, my best friend says Inner Peace is a vague term, which is very frequently used by us to avoid communication with the outer world.
If I define Inner Peace, then it would be me surrounded by family. I come back from work, and I see my family waiting for me. To ask me about my day. At the end of the day, they are your strength and they are the people who look after you at times of dissent and discord.
From the past one year that role for me has been taken over by My Girl. I used to come from office and talk to her for hours. She used to ask about My day and I used to ask about hers. She is the pillar of my strength. At all those times I was at peace with myself. I had that calmness around me. I have that Inner Peace.
So, in few words, if I try to describe, then Inner Peace is nothing but the Love and affection, the compassion that your loved ones have for you is what makes you at Peace and that’s what really is Inner Peace for me.
P.S – Readers, do let me know if you think otherwise or have any other opinion on the Inner Peace.