Diary Entry 10.07.2016

The feeling to talk to My Girl is so strong today. My Diary can you be my My Girl for today, as I am not feeling like talking to a photograph.

What a girl look into a guy, for choosing the correct life partner? Or why a girl love a boy? The simplest answer I can think is ” A girl will love a boy when she sees that boy has something that she doesn’t have. When she feels that guy will never leave her side. When she feels that the guy can love her for who she is.”

I think My Girl is perfect, and can do nothing wrong. So if she thinks that I am not the right guy, then there is something wrong with me only. I guess I am too simple and boring kind of a guy. And My Girl doesn’t want it. All this time I have tried to lessen the pain of our separation by drinking, smoking and doing nothing. My Girl also hates those who do nothing.

I miss those days when we used to talk for hours, in our own twisted ways. I miss her touch. I miss her pulling my hairs. I miss drowning in the sea of perfect round eyes. Oh! My Girl, you are so beautiful.

But I think I have found another way to lessen the pain. I have started convincing myself that I can’t be a good life partner to anyone. This way I have somewhat suppressed the need of emotional connect with other people. I have become socially awkward. Now, I don’t make new friends and don’t meet new people. I know this is emotionally damaging but I guess this is the only way I can try to forgive myself. I can only forgive myself when I punish myself. Social disconnect would be a perfect punishment for me.

I used to think that writing my feelings will reduce my pain, but nothing like that has happened. Now even there are no tears even I cry.

But I would love to meet My Girl. Meet her and ask “How is she?”, Is she happy?

I know she would be happy, she has a very sweet and caring sister. She has a handsome and loving brother. Her parents are the most wonderful parents. She has most amazing friends. Where do I fit her in life? Nowhere I guess.

But whatever I say or do. My heart doesn’t listen. This stupid heart still believes that everything would be fine one day. And My Girl and I would live happily ever after.

Don’t know, as of now, the punishment continues.

Thank you dear diary for standing in for My Girl today and listening to my crap.

 

Gaurav Gupta

 

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