Diary Entry 06.08.2016

Dear Diary,

From the day I have returned back home, I haven’t been myself. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I am always feeling on the edge, highly irritated and very sensitive. I am just pushing everyone away. My parents, my siblings are trying to make a conversation with me but I am not able to interact. Maybe I am not used to so many people around me now.

The more I am quiet, the more questions they asked. The more I try to avoid the more they get under my skin. I know they don’t mean any harm. They are the ones who are paying attention to me. Maybe they are pampering me. Maybe they are just trying to learn about my last year.

But I am not liking it all. I am not liking all this attention. I am not liking all this affection. I am not liking all these questions. How? When? Why?

I am not liking my independence¬†being compromised, my privacy being invaded. Maybe I am not liking this change in routine that has happened after coming back home. I don’t like changes.

I was trying to be happy with myself and suddenly all the things changed. Maybe I am so addicted to the loneliness that I don’t like anyone else around me. Don’t know but I am not okay.

So many things are going in my mind right now. I am not able to prioritise. I just want to run away. Run away to some place quiet, peaceful. Where there is no body. Nobody to disturb me. Where I have to make no decisions. Where I have to talk to nobody. I am feeling sick and weird at the same time.

I try to share this with My Girl. She shut me out. I don’t want to disturb my best friend as she is already occupied with so many things. So I am left with you, dear Diary. Today you have to listen to me cribbing and crying like you have done so many times.

But one question remains. Why would I feel irritated and suffocated when I am with my family. What is wrong with me?

 

Gaurav Gupta

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