Diary Entry 12.08.2017

There are times when you miss someone so badly that you want to take them out from your fantasy land and hug them tightly for real.

Your lives just stop without them, however hard you try to run away from memories you keep on getting closer to them.

You realize it’s love when all you can think about is that one person.

I am missing you, My Girl. I hope you do too.

 

Gaurav Gupta

Diary Entry 23.07.2017

I can’t seem to get these lines of a song out of my head.

When I close my eyes. You’re here by my side
Oh, when I close my eyes. You’re here by my side.

All I ever really need is your love. Nothing I could say would ever be enough.

Stay a little longer with me, baby! Won’t you stay a little longer with me!

Though I am happy most of the time as I don’t require her to be physically present with me. I can love her without her being with me. But sometimes I become so weak and my resolve just breaks. All I want to do is tell her how I feel. The lines from song tell exactly how I feel.

In those weak moments, you become my Saviour dear diary. Thank you for helping me keep my promise 🙂

 

Gaurav Gupta

 

What do I want to do

What do I want to do is lay my head in your lap and sleep like a child. Because with you I feel safe, I feel everything is alright.

What do I want to do is play with hairs for hours. They are perfect just like you.

What do I want to do is lay with you under open sky counting stars and talking my heart out. Because with you I can be myself.

What do I want to do is to know you more. I want to spend rest of my breaths unravelling the mystery that is you.

What do I want to do is not to share you with anyone. I want to spend all my time with you because one life time is not enough.

What do I want to do is live this adventure called life with you. Together Forever. ❤

My Girl, I Love You and I need you. ❤ Please come back.

 

Gaurav Gupta

 

Current State

So, have I given up on love? No, but I won’t be the one coming forward with it, chasing you and making all the efforts.

I will just sit pretty and content being single in my joyous zone. If you find me worthy enough, then go ahead and say it to me. But don’t expect me to play the games of hints and silences.

I am done with that circus. You want to be subtle about love? Well, then say – I Love You, at the very least, because nothing less clear will do it for me now.

I am done with the waiting, supposedly romantic, part of love. Just hit me with your love on my face, screaming my name with your blaring tongue, madly in love with me, else – just stay away.

 

Gaurav Gupta

Diary Entry 07.01.2017

Today I had my first guitar class which was not so good. Apparently, my music is not melodious. But my teacher said that “Everybody is not Sachin Tendulkar and can’t score six in the first ball”. He sees potential in me 🙂

Then I had to rush towards the office.

It’s a weekend in Office!!

Yes, Dear Diary, today is Saturday and I am working in the office. From the very beginning, I am feeling sleepy. I reached office around 1 PM and head straight for the lunch. It was a heavy lunch and from that point onwards I am feeling sleepy.

Then the frustrating part was my code wasn’t working. You must be thinking when does my code works 😀

After a while, I thought of having a tea break. While having tea for some reason all those old memories of QUE project came rushing back to me. All those meetings, all those late night coding marathons, my meeting with My Girl over Skype call. All those happy memories made my jaw broadened and lips wide.

I came back with a fabulous coding idea, Implemented it and ‘EUREKA’, my code is working again. Feeling like the king again. My Girl is my lucky charm. Even when she is not physically present with me she is still helping me out by coming to me in my memories and making me happy and a better person.

Dear Diary, I want some day My Girl to read all my blogs and know that my feelings for her are for real and no matter how long it will take for her to change her decision, I will wait for her. She is mine and only mine, for all her lifetime and beyond that in every other life.

And now I am signing off from office with a satisfied end of the day 🙂

Thanks, Dear Diary for listening about my day 🙂

 

Gaurav Gupta

 

 

Diary Entry 12.12.2016

Dear My Girl

I am sorry, last night I was a bit drunk. I was not able to control myself. I shouldn’t have messaged. I think, I deserved the scolding after that.

I am sorry for hurting you and disappointing you. I didn’t know that I had hurt your parents also. I am sorry for that. You are right, you are raised by a king otherwise, it’s impossible for someone to be so awesome like you.

I would never do anything knowingly to hurt you or to make you sad. If me talking to you or pinging to you make you sad and angry then I promise I will never try to contact you. 😦

Don’t worry My Girl, everything will happen as you want. You want me out of your life then I will kick me out of your life. Just be patient for a while. To continue my punishment I have almost convinced myself that I am not good enough you or for anyone else. Don’t worry the punishment for hurting you will continue for the rest of my life.

Till the time we were together, maybe that was the only love, respect, compassion was meant to be for me in this life. I had my amazing lovely moments with you and love for me is now over. Maybe in some other lifetime, we will be together. I will try and be better for you that time. I just want you to be happy where ever you are.

I am sorry again for hurting you and your loved ones and believe me I will never stop punishing the person who made you cry.

One more day spent lonely, One more week passed in your memories. One more month reliving those happy moments. One more year without you and One more life without Us.

I miss you. I miss Us.

Thank you dear diary for role playing My Girl and listening to me when no one was around. 🙂

 

Gaurav Gupta

Diary Entry 19.11.2016

Dear My Girl

I was missing you so badly last night. I know, I have decided that I will not try and contact you but last night was something different. The urge just came over me. I was not able to control. And in that moment of weakness, I send you a message.

I am sorry for being weak. I should not talk to you, not because I have decided that I will not talk to you. But because you have every right to move on in life. You have every right to find a better guy than me. You have every right to find happiness whichever way you seem right.

And my feelings, love, stupidity should not be a blocker for you. It was me who decided to part ways with you. So it should be your decision if you wanted us back together. If I am waiting for you then I should learn to do it silently and not ping and disturb you every time my resolve get weak. Everything can’t happen as per my will.

I also should not talk to you because every time you say that you have found someone new, some new guy who is good enough for you, I feel happy for you but at the same time, it shreds my heart into pieces. I can’t imagine you with anyone else other than me.

So sorry for last night, sorry for being weak. 😦

Stay happy and stay blessed. 🙂

Thank you dear diary for standing up for My Girl once again and listening to me patiently.

 

Gaurav Gupta