Diary Entry 19.11.2016

Dear My Girl

I was missing you so badly last night. I know, I have decided that I will not try and contact you but last night was something different. The urge just came over me. I was not able to control. And in that moment of weakness, I send you a message.

I am sorry for being weak. I should not talk to you, not because I have decided that I will not talk to you. But because you have every right to move on in life. You have every right to find a better guy than me. You have every right to find happiness whichever way you seem right.

And my feelings, love, stupidity should not be a blocker for you. It was me who decided to part ways with you. So it should be your decision if you wanted us back together. If I am waiting for you then I should learn to do it silently and not ping and disturb you every time my resolve get weak. Everything can’t happen as per my will.

I also should not talk to you because every time you say that you have found someone new, some new guy who is good enough for you, I feel happy for you but at the same time, it shreds my heart into pieces. I can’t imagine you with anyone else other than me.

So sorry for last night, sorry for being weak. 😦

Stay happy and stay blessed. 🙂

Thank you dear diary for standing up for My Girl once again and listening to me patiently.


Gaurav Gupta


Diary Entry 21.08.2016

Dear Diary

Before writing anything, my dear diary I would like to say sorry to you. I only come to you when I am sad. I rarely share my happiness with you.

I was happy yesterday. Yesterday I was missing My Girl. I was missing her very much. I was missing our long chats. I was missing her touch. I was missing the way she used to pull my hair. I was not able to control myself and decided to get drunk and talk to her. On the pretext of a friend’s birthday party, I got out of my house. Went to a bar, had a bottle of wine. Pinged My Girl. I just wanted to know if she is alright. She hasn’t come to the office for the whole week. So I was bit worried. I drank and drank and continued texting her. She was replying. I was happy that at least she was replying. In the end, I sensed she was not that happy with me texting her. So I advised her to block me. How stupid of me?

I was so drunk. I actually had to go to a friend’s place to crash.

Today was no better. I woke up with a bad hangover. I thought that after chatting with her last night the feeling of missing her would go. But the exact opposite has happened. I am missing her so badly. But I can’t even ping her now because I have asked her to block me. And tears are just not stopping.

So dear diary will you be My Girl again for me sometime so that I can talk to her?

My Girl, I just want to ask you to come office regularly. So that I know you are alright. I want you to be happy. And if I make you unhappy then I would stop disturbing you. A sober me can control the feelings, a sober me can suppress the need to talk to you. But a drunk me is shameless and selfish. A drunk me just care for my happiness.

I promise I will never get drunk again. Will never message you. Will never disturb you. Just keep me blocked. I promise that when I come to Bangalore this weekend. I will not make any attempt to contact you. I will not do anything that makes you unhappy. Take care My Girl.

Thanks, dear diary for again stepping up to be My Girl. You are the best.


Gaurav Gupta


The Distance

I was eagerly waiting for it to ring. Continuously looking at the screen to lighten up. Each passing moment just adding to my nervousness. I was getting impatient. The phone was just not ringing. To take my mind off the situation I went out for a jog.

When I returned, there were two miss calls. I splashed through to my call history. My Girl called twice. I hastily called back. Her phone was now switched off. Through that, I know that her flight has landed. But I didn’t know how she is? Was the flight ok? Did she get the taxi? Where is she now?

I was just dying to hear her voice. I can’t bear her away from me even for a minute and there she was on a nine-hour long flight. The wait was getting longer. Every time I tried to call, the phone came switched off. It was adding to my anxiety.

My Girl has gone to London for a business trip. Though it was only a three weeks long trip. I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want her to leave my sight even for a single day. But she insisted. It was important for her work.

I was still trying to contact her but all my efforts were futile. The phone was continuously coming switched off. I was in no shape to cook the dinner. So I ordered some Chinese takeaway. Amidst the desire to talk to her, I almost forgot about the dinner and don’t know when just dozed off.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, my sleep was disturbed by the ring of my phone. It was her. Finally. It was her. I picked up the call.

My Girl : Sorry baby, Sorry. the battery of my phone just ran out. I have just checked in the hotel and charged my phone to call you.

I bombarded her with so many questions.

Me : How are you? Did you eat something? Are you tired? How was the flight?

We spent next two hours talking over the phone, and I didn’t realize it was sunrise. After a while of saying good night and goodbye, I kissed the speaker in hope that my love would reach her via the telephone lines. She giggled. Said good night to me.

Our relationship started over long distance calls, so it was not new to us. We were in two different continents when we met online.

P.S –  I knew it was again time for us to be in a long distance relationship again. But thank god, it’s was only for three weeks.


Gaurav Gupta


I Miss You

I just wish you were here with me!! Yeah I know I have promised to you that I won’t be sad ever. I have promised you that I would be awesome. But I can’t be strong all the time. I can’t fake it all the time. I can’t pretend it all the time.

Please come back. Please 😦

I love you ❤


Gaurav Gupta

Diary Entry 24.03.2016

Everybody has a life. They have their own sorrows, their own joys. They have their own problems and their own ways of dealing with them.

How can I expect others to solve my problems? They will be busy with their own. So right now, I am jotting down my thought. Not in any organized manner.

I will remember this festive day of Holi (Hindu festival of Colours), as the most non-colourful day of my life. The day when I may have potentially lost My Girl. I don’t know whose fault is this, but I am suffering. And I am suffering badly. One moment I decide that I will remain happy no matter what. And the very next moment that resolve is broken with the huge influx of emotions. Again I go into that stage, where I am unsure, undecided.

Sometimes my mind just hates my heart for all that emotions my heart carry. These emotions are way too much for me to handle. I don’t know if I am emotionally weak or my emotions are too strong for me. Either way I am fucked.

Everybody has someone special in life, that one person for whom you can do anything. But how do I control my emotions, now when I know that I possibly have lost that person. I am so vulnerable right now. The only thing that is keeping me alive is that hope. That hope, that someday I will again be with My Girl. There is someday in future when she will again love me the way she used to. But what do I do till then? This emotional turmoil is taking its toll on me. I think I am loosing this battle.

But again, these are my problems and I should know how to deal with them. Just one mistake can turn the course of your life. We should treasure what we have and never take anything for granted. Because when that someone special is no more in your life than it leaves a big black hole in your life and every other good thing is sucked up by that black hole.

Bye Diary


Gaurav Gupta